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Our friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome several obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's constantly caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse left her, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her friends drifted away during that time, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised better what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

In the time since, many close to her vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, both of us retired leading to more time together, however, I feel my position in the relationship is as the audience. I start discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is arranging a holiday to a nation I know well repeatedly and lived in previously. My intention was to share advice, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted my agreement with her plans. I've just ended four weeks there and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she can comprehend the consequences of her actions on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out demands strength and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. Step two is to express how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Emotions belong to you, of course. Step three involves requesting how the two of you will alter the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for a set time."

It's wildly successful for promoting mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss your concerns, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they're unable to release since their identity depends upon it and it's all they've known. It's tough when there seems no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out this way and then think your perspective. And even if you never reach a resolution, you'll have peace knowing you were open and direct.