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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?